Boys who witness domestic violence are twice as likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults, say experts on domestic violence. And that is the reasoning behind a program at SafeHaven of Tarrant County that is so new that they haven't even figured out a name for it.
It seeks to match adult males with boys who have come to the shelter in an effort to break a cycle that says that seeing violence between one's parents or caretakers is the strongest risk factor of transmitting violent behavior from one generation to the next.
"We're thinking M2M, which stands for Man to Man," said SafeHaven Director of Community Engagement Krista Moffett, who has been coordinating the mentoring program.
The pilot project linked TJ Hutchings with Marcos, a 16-year-old boy whom police helped come to the shelter with his family. "We came here when one of my mom's ex-boyfriends hit her and a lot of other stuff he's done - abuse, physical, mental. Things like that," Marcos said on a video SafeHaven produced about the program. "I stayed up that night, just watching the door. I didn't go to bed that night because I didn't know what would happen. But I figured it was called SafeHaven for a reason."
Hutchings has an inkling of what Marcos has experienced. "There was never any specific physical abuse that I witnessed as a child, but it was not a healthy relationship. Lots of fighting. A lot of trust issues," he said. His father was involved in drugs and could not hold a job.
"When Marcos feels like he has to step up and be the man of the house, I remember feeling the same feelings when I was mowing lawns to help Mom out," Hutchings said. "She had to work two jobs because she couldn't support us."
His primary interest right now is to help Marcos stay in school and succeed. It is not unusual for children in situations like Marcos" to experience academic problems, behavior problems, depression and low self-esteem.
Men are the answer to ending domestic violence against women, says SafeHaven Executive Director Mary Lee Hafley. "Ending domestic violence means the 90 percent who are good men hold the 10 percent who aren't accountable for their words and actions regarding women," Hafley said.
