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Father with kids working from home during quarantine. Stay at ho
Father with kids trying to work from home during quarantine. Stay at home, work from home concept during coronavirus pandemic
2020 has been a year of major change and unrest, and we’re only halfway through it. In a matter of just a few months, our children lost their school routine, their friends, their extracurriculars, and their sense of normalcy. Add to that an uprising of civil unrest, and now today’s kids are facing a double-pandemic that no other living person has ever had to endure.
While no one can say they’re an expert in times like these, having never lived through them before, we talked to three local specialists about concrete ways we can help children manage the anxieties and uncertainties that are weighing heavily on us all.
Acknowledge their grief.
Grief is a natural reaction to loss. Some children may have actually lost loved ones during the pandemic, but collectively, we are all grieving the loss of normal life. Grief manifests itself in many ways, and for kids, that may look like misbehavior or changes in mood. Allow space for the sadness and fear that they’re feeling right now.
“Your job as a parent is to be with them, companion them in their feelings, and let go of the responsibility to have to fix the feeling,” Fort Worth-based counselor Elizabeth Jones says.
She says that a lot of the parents she works with don’t necessarily recognize the grief their child is experiencing right away.
“As soon as I say the words ‘they’re grieving,’ it’s like the parents take a huge sigh of relief, and they say, ‘Oh, that’s what we’re all feeling,’” she says.
Keep them informed in an age-appropriate way.
“Always tell the truth, but in a developmentally appropriate language,” Jones says.
The way you discuss what’s going on in the world with your 3-year-old will be different than how you talk to your teenager, but honesty is important in all conversations.
There are three questions to think about before communicating with your child, says Dana Minor, program director at The WARM Place, a grief support group for children and teens.
“Ask yourself, ‘What do they need to know? What do they want to know? And what can they understand?’” she says.
It’s also important to recognize that parents will not always know the answer, and it’s okay to say, “I don’t know.”
Try to stick to a routine, whatever that may look like.
Even just hearing the word “routine” might make parents scoff these days, but all three specialists stressed the importance of setting routine goals that are reachable.
“Routine is highly comfortable and comforting for kids,” says child life specialist Kelly Cox.
While it may not be feasible to run a tight ship while you’re juggling working from home with child care, agreeing on important plans for your day, no matter how small they are, can prove helpful for everyone.
Allow your child some say in the matter. If they’re able to pick what their schedule looks like, they may be more likely to stick to it.
“Ask them, ‘What would make you feel comfortable? What would make you feel happy? What would make you feel less stressed?,’” Minor says.
Help teach kids how to be good digital citizens.
We’re all leaning heavily on electronics right now. Screen time is up for all age groups. Not only does it give us some much-needed entertainment, but it’s also a way to socialize. The specialists all agreed that it’s probably all right to relax a little on screen time limitations. More important than how much your child is using a screen is how they’re using it.
“I would be more inclined to teach your kids how to manage their screens than focusing on limiting it all the time,” Jones says. “That means not putting anything on the internet that would be hurtful or hurt anyone’s feelings even if you think it’s funny. That’s not being that good digital citizen.”
Even with monitoring, kids can be exposed to upsetting news or information on their devices. Jones says it’s important to have an open line of communication with your child so that they know they can come to you if they saw something they shouldn’t have.
Have compassion for yourself as a parent.
Things are hard. Parents are all experiencing different struggles right now, but very few can say that these times are easy. Now is a good time to adjust your expectations for yourself and your family, Minor says.
“You’ve probably heard people say, ‘This is our new normal,’” she says. “But this is not normal.”
