Q: At dinner with a group of friends last weekend, I split an entrée with my date and didn't partake of the Saki or wine. When it came time to pay, one of the big spenders in the group told the server to just split the check evenly. Our bill should have been less than $20, but we ended up paying nearly $100. It was such an awkward situation that I ended up just paying it. What should I have done?
A: The situation often dictates the best thing to do. If you are with close friends, I think it is perfectly acceptable to separate the check according to what you had unless everyone partook evenly of the food and drink; then an even split is acceptable.
However, problems often arise when everyone only pays for what he or she ordered. A portion of your dining experience gets bogged down with petty calculations, and inevitably someone miscounts and doesn't put enough in. It also makes for an aggravated waiter. Why spoil a dinner with friends by quibbling over trivial minutiae?
Also, if you are so concerned with only paying for what you order, you deny yourself the pleasure of sharing food and spirits with others at the table. You also may give off the impression of a buzz-killing cheapskate.
On the other hand, I don't think you should have to pay out of pocket for other guests' extravagant dining choices. If you have tea and a salad, and someone else orders a bottle of Dom Perignon and lobster, it is NOT acceptable to be expected to split the check evenly. In this case, Lobster Boy is taking advantage of the other guests, and it is HIS poor etiquette that needs to be checked. I would speak up and say that you would like your amount due on a separate check. Know the difference between your friends and those who invite you to subsidize their lifestyle.
Always, always, always bring cash to simplify the process if you suspect that you will need to have a separate check. Don't forget about your server either. Many times everyone thinks that someone else will take care of the waiter, and he/she winds up with little or no gratuity. Additionally, if you are gathering to celebrate someone's birthday or accomplishment, it is appropriate to contribute toward covering the honored guest's tab.
Q: My husband has become increasingly secretive. He has changed the password on his phone and computer, and he makes several phone calls while he is out walking our dog. Oftentimes, he contradicts himself when he tells me about his day. My intuition tells me something is up, but I don't want to accuse him if I'm not sure. Should I just ignore it or talk to him?
A: The best advice I can give is to trust your gut. Obviously, if you have already attempted to access his phone or computer, you are suspicious of his behavior. Ignoring it would be the worst thing you could do. If you bury your head in the sand and pretend nothing is wrong, you're perpetuating the cheating behavior.
Ask questions and talk about the reasons for your concern. I did say “talk” and not confront. If he gets defensive or seems annoyed, that is a possible indication that there is something going on.
Without knowing the chemistry of your relationship, it is difficult to know exactly how to answer. If I were in your situation, I would get to the bottom of things. For me that would mean accessing phone records, checking pockets and credit card receipts, anything it takes to get the information you need.
Unfortunately, when there is such a loss of trust and such feelings of suspicion, it is very difficult to recover. If you do find that your husband is being unfaithful, then you will need to decide your next steps. Amazon offers a variety of snake repellants very reasonably priced.
