by Shauna Glenn
illustration by Charles Marsh
Recently I had an allergic reaction - to a wheelbarrow. It all started when I decided to go to this 8 a.m. workout up the street from my house. My sister-in-law started going to the class about a month earlier and had been telling me about these insanely hard workouts the owner puts his classes through; classes that are made up of mostly college girls and forty-something stay-at-home moms. For more than a month, I had been making excuses.
But then I decided to give the place a try. And she was right. The workouts are INSANE. Also with this trainer, he wants to know stuff … like what you eat and HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH AND YOUR BODY FAT PERCENTAGE. I quickly informed him that while I appreciate his need to want to be in all my body business, there was no way I was participating in that part of the program.
And then there was the wheelbarrow incident. Because the gym is less than a mile from my house, there's no excuse not to jog there. Before I left, I ate a small cup of instant oatmeal and half an apple. I wrote it in my journal and put a smiley face next to it.
When I got there, I noticed wheelbarrows on the sidewalk in front. In each wheelbarrow lay heavy weights. This was not a good sign. And sure enough, five minutes later, we were running the wheelbarrow up and down the block. Five times. But that only took the first 15 minutes. What followed were more nearly impossible exercises, but nothing as hard as that stupid weighted-down wheelbarrow.
When the hour was up, I called a friend to pick me up. I was feeling weird. My palms were super itchy, and my ears felt like they were on fire. My arms were red and splotchy, and my hands began to swell up so much that my fingers were beginning to resemble sausages. Sausage fingers!
It was clear I was having a full-blown allergic reaction to something. My friend pulled up just then, and when I climbed in the passenger seat, he took one look at me and yelled, "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?"
I flipped open the mirror and stared at the hideous creature staring back at me. You know who I looked like? Eric Stoltz from the movie Mask. I'm not even exaggerating.
I yelled at him to drive me to the emergency room. I darted inside and waved my arms like a crazy person. "Anaphylaxis! Anaphylaxis! I'm having an allergic reaction!"
A triage nurse whisked me back to a room. Instead of grabbing a syringe filled with life-saving medicine out of her jacket pocket, she took out a pen and began asking me questions.
You know, I've never actually punched another human being in the face before. Sure, I have lots of times in my mind. I wondered what it would feel like in real life.
Before I had a chance to point to my face and my throat and my sausage fingers, another nurse (a man nurse) came to my rescue. "I'll take over from here." And then he yelled out behind the curtain. "Dr. Calabar, we have an allergic reaction in 4."
Dr. Calabar pulled the curtain back seconds later and observed the horror before him. "My goodness, you are having one significant allergic episode, aren't you dear." He had me open my mouth wide and then he said, "We'll get you fixed up and feeling better in no time."
And like that he was gone. Soon after, the male nurse was back with a cart loaded down with medicine and a bag of saline. Minutes later I was hooked up to an IV and receiving vials of Decadron (a steroid), Pepcid and a dose of Benadryl the size of your fist.
I turned to my friend then and said, "Quick, take a picture of how I look before it goes away."
Before I had a chance to smile for the camera, the Benadryl took over. And I remember my eyes rolling back in my head and then … nothing. I don't know how long I was asleep. And when I woke up, my friend was staring at me.
"You have been snoring and DROOLING for the last half hour."
Before I could come back with some snarky reply, the doctor entered again.
"So what did you do differently this morning that may have caused this reaction?"
"Well, nothing. I had some oatmeal and half an apple. And then I went to the gym."
"Oatmeal and an apple? That's an odd combination to cause a reaction like this. Are you sure it wasn't peanuts or a bee sting?" He heartily laughed at his own joke.
Something different about my morning routine, the doctor had asked. Well, the only thing different was that stupid wheelbarrow I pushed up and down five city blocks. Clearly, I am allergic to intense exercise.
What a blessing.
