Brandon Hayman
Nobody is immune to it — it’s the only thing one can count on happening in life and the only way to ensure evolution and growth. So why is change so hard?
The human mind receives comfort and a feeling of stability from knowing the plan. And not just the overall plan, but the details of who will be there, what the agenda is, how much it will cost, and what the next steps are. It’s normal to organize life to be surrounded by comfort in the form of ease of social connections, instant access to favorite food, toiletries and services, a nice home, a car, heating, and cooling. But the 2020 pandemic has uprooted these comforts for so many people. It’s been uncomfortable and has changed everyone’s sense of stability in some way.
Beyond a sense of stability, change is challenging neurologically. The existing and complex framework of someone’s brain has developed over many decades. It’s full of learned patterns, habits, and responses to years of experiences.
The brain needs habit to get through the day. Habits are all the things that happen automatically: getting dressed, driving, making meals, tying shoes. Habits are also responses to external stressors. It’s a habit to get angry at a child. It’s a habit to remain addicted to hitting refresh on news websites or social media. Morning coffee is a habit, and so is smiling when you see your best friend. Most of the day is spent in habitual response. Habits — even the bad ones — are deeply held and bring a sense of comfort. When something comes along that threatens a long-held habit, whether it is an intentional change or a forced change, it can feel nearly impossible to let go and uncomfortable at best.
But there are ways to deal with it.
Make intentional changes. Just as habits are learned, so is resilience during change. Stay aware of when life feels like one big habitual response. Nothing new happening? Work the wiring in the brain by inviting in change: Read a book outside the usual genre; take a couples’ dance class; take a different path with new scenery on the morning walk; or instead of nightly Netflix, make one night game night. Remember, the human brain is plastic and malleable as long as it’s given the chance to continue to improve.
Go against the grain as often as possible. Along the lines of intentional change is to actively go against the grain in body and mind by doing the opposite of normal. If HIIT workouts are a daily occurrence, consider also practicing a really slow and quiet version of yoga called restorative yoga. If slow, quiet walks are a daily occurrence, add in something more physically challenging like weight training. Type-A, nonstop personalities can go against the grain by practicing meditation, and type-B people can go against the grain by inviting in more structure. Freedom is just at the edge of growth and discomfort.
Reframe your perspective. Consider how the last big life change, challenging as it may have been, actually presents as a gift today. The mind is like Velcro for negative experiences and like Teflon for positive experiences. Biologically, positive experience is easier to forget because it’s not needed for human survival. Take the pandemic, for example. It’s easy to name all that is awful about it, but what are some of the gifts of staying home for three months?
Tackle change with grace. Understanding that major change is going to bring challenging feelings and discomfort, aim to remain in the “we’re all in this together” mindset. Remembering that other people are out there going through the same thing can help mitigate feelings of loneliness. Lowering personal expectations and taking it day by day during big change can help it feel less overwhelming.
