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Why is it that some people have an incredible need to tell really long stories? It's odd to me that it never seems to occur to them that they've been babbling for a long period of time. How is it that they never notice the fact that I'm nodding off and drooling?
The torture always begins in a really simple way. “Hey Margie, I called the glass place and told them to install the mirrors on the bathroom ceiling next Tuesday.” If you have conversation expectations like I do, there really isn't much reply required to that comment. Somehow it never seems to quite work out that way. Here is the type of reply I usually get…
“Really? Did you talk to Shirley? She is just the nicest person ever, and so helpful too. Gosh, I think I've known Shirley for maybe 22 years now. Well hold on…it could be 23 years. Let me see, I had just found out I was pregnant with my first son Raymond Jr. Boy that was a rough pregnancy. Did I ever tell you that I was pregnant for a whole year with him? Yeah, it was a medical miracle. You know I think elephants are pregnant for something like a year. I told the doctor to make sure Raymond Jr. didn't have a trunk. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That baby weighed 32 pounds. Gosh, he was a doozie. Almost killed me getting him out. I told my husband Raymond Sr. that I thought we had a little football player on our hands.”
Yeah, isn't that brutal? Hey, wake up! If I have to stay awake for these stupid ramblings, you do too. You know what? I think I have come up with a solution. Since it would be really irresponsible of me to have you test out my possible solution, I did it myself. Worked like a charm! I’m really excited about it and even more excited to be able to share my helpful tip with all of you. Pay attention there is a technique to this.
During the beginning of the incessant rambling you must pretend you are paying attention. Make a concerned face, nod, and say things like “Uh-huh.” Some of you may want to get in the mirror at home and practice concerned face. After you've spent a minute or so feigning interest, wait for your big moment. Remember, timing is everything. When the professional babbler starts to take a breath (act fast) you announce in an urgent tone “WOW, I have to pee!” Don't make this announcement and then stand around waiting on a reply. Start right in doing the old discomfort dance. Everyone knows this dance. Think back to when you were 5 years old, had to potty and mom was armpits deep into the sale rack. That's the dance you need to recreate. The beauty of this little discomfort dance is that now you have completely thrown the babbler off their train of thought. Okay, now you've made your announcement, and done your dance, you're mission is almost complete, simply turn around and rush off but be sure to continue the discomfort dance until Babbles can no longer see you. Now go hide out in the bathroom (to complete the facade) for a few minutes. And wonder why it is exactly you need mirrors on the ceiling in there.
