A while back our publisher, Hal Brown, decided I was funny. Now I don't think I'm all that funny. I don't try to say funny things. Occasionally my brain-to-mouth filter fails, and I blurt out whatever random observation happens to be rolling around in my head.
So Mr. Brown asked if I'd share some of those observations and some stories with our readers. He'd like the stories and observations to be work related, but I can't promise I won't occasionally stray from that. I'll let you be the judge of how funny it actually is.
Since this is my first post, it made me think of beginnings, which made me think of the beginning of my employment here at the magazine. Starting a new job can be awkward, right? There's always a little nervousness of being in a new place with new people. My job here was no exception.
A few days after I started, a co-worker asked me to change the toner in our copy machine. I was relieved that she gave me something simple and happily took off to complete the task. How hard can it be to change toner? I changed it all the time at my last job. Heck, this copy machine looked like the copier at my previous job. It's a box that shoots out paper with words on it…I've got this licked. Off I go with the new toner cartridge completely confident that I'm really going to dazzle with my toner changing skills.
I open a little door on the front of the copier, and there's the old toner in exactly the same spot as it was on the other copier. Okay, that's a good sign… right? I slide out the old cartridge and get the new one out of the box. There is an orange tag dangling off the cartridge. The orange tag is attached to a clear plastic string. At this point my coworker yells, “Hey, you might want to put the new toner in the copier before you…” POOF!
Yep, I pulled the orange tag. It was like a toner bomb exploded! There I stand, holding the cartridge, and all I can see is a haze of toner dust in the air. I yell back to my coworker in the most nonchalant voice I can muster, “Uh, what was that you were telling me?” She replied, “Oh, I just wanted to warn you that it's best to put the toner in the copier and then pull the orange tag. It sort of explodes if you don't.”
SORT OF EXPLODES! Is she insane? A bad firecracker “sort of explodes.” It’s like the set of Apocalypse Now in here. By the time the dust settled, there was toner everywhere. The copier was covered, the shelves were covered, all the office supplies on the shelves were covered, I was covered. Frantically, I begin searching for something that might help clean the crime scene, and I spotted some Clorox wipes.
Helpful tip: Black powder and a wet wipe when combined smears streaks of ink everywhere. Actually, the wipes would have been fine on a small amount of toner dust. I was dealing with toner grenade type coverage. Completely frustrated, I abandoned any hope of hiding the evidence and go to my coworker's desk. She looks at me with a complete lack of concern and says, “What happened to you?”
In a defeated tone I said, “A horrific toner explosion is what happened to me.” Still not remotely phased she says, “Is it on the carpet?” Okay, now I'm starting to find her lack of concern very disturbing. I reply, “Can you see me? I look like a coal miner! This stuff is in my nose. I'm probably getting black lung as we speak. YES! It’s definitely on the carpet.” She gets out of her chair strolls casually up the hall. She takes a quick survey of the situation and calmly says, “Ah, we’ll get the fix-it guy to come down here with his shop vac and clean it up. It’s best not to use anything wet because it just smears.” Ugh, really? It smears? You don’t say. Feeling a combination of annoyance and panic, all I could manage to say was, “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”
Needless to say there is a happy ending to this story. Everything was cleaned as if nothing happened by the shop vac. It's been over two years now, we both still laugh (and she still teases me) about my toner mishap. So, next time you think you're having a horrible day just remember…you could have toner up your nose.
