Q: My 10-year-old daughter plays soccer on a co-ed team. Some of the parents are a bit fanatical and exhibit very poor behavior. They use inappropriate language, and their children often cry when we lose a game. Should I just accept this as part of youth sports, or should someone speak to them?
A: It’s such a shame when parents forget that a game is literally defined as a form of play. Several studies show that around 70 percent of children who participate in sports at an early age will stop playing before college because it just isn’t fun anymore.
I remember one instance where I took my daughter to grab some pizza after one of her games and upon seeing my daughter in her uniform, the waitress asked my daughter if she had won her game. My daughter smiled, thought for a second and said, “I think so.”
She in fact had lost in a big way, but I appreciated the fact that she had a great time with no real regard for the outcome.
My advice would be to let the coach handle the fanatical parents. Discreetly mention your concerns and let the coach speak with the parents about anonymous complaints he/she has had.
Almost everyone has been exposed to this, especially with how serious Texans take football. It's been in the headlines: “Dad charged with assault at son's little league game;” “Mom punches cheerleading coach after daughter doesn't make squad;” “Team coach attacks referee for making a bad call against his child.”
Many parents are living vicariously through their children and don't have the child's best interest at heart. Thoughts of college scholarships and athletic superstardom dance through their heads.
I can usually tell after the first practice who they are. They are relatively easy to spot. Just look for the parents with the kids not having any fun. These young athletes parented by such parents experience greater degrees of pressure that can even affect eating and sleeping habits.
Appropriate parent behavior during a game or practice includes clapping, cheering and wearing team colors. If at any point during the game you find yourself shouting obscenities, arguing with the coach or referee, tackling another parent or charging the field, you need to do your kids a favor and stay at home.
If you suspect that you might be on the verge of becoming a crazed, overbearing sports parent, here's a little advice:
Hold your concerns for after the game and raise them in private.
Praise effort instead of wins.
Respect the referee's calls.
Instead of asking your child “Did you win?” ask them “Was it fun?”
illustration by Charles Marsh
