<!-- /* Font Definitions */@font-face{font-family:Cambria;panose-1:2 4 5 3 5 4 6 3 2 4;mso-font-charset:0;mso-generic-font-family:auto;mso-font-pitch:variable;mso-font-signature:3 0 0 0 1 0;} /* Style Definitions */p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal{mso-style-parent:"";margin:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;mso-pagination:widow-orphan;font-size:12.0pt;font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-ascii-font-family:Cambria;mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-fareast;mso-hansi-font-family:Cambria;mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";mso-bidi-theme-font:minor-bidi;}a:link, span.MsoHyperlink{mso-style-noshow:yes;color:blue;text-decoration:underline;text-underline:single;}a:visited, span.MsoHyperlinkFollowed{mso-style-noshow:yes;color:purple;text-decoration:underline;text-underline:single;}@page Section1{size:8.5in 11.0in;margin:1.0in 1.25in 1.0in 1.25in;mso-header-margin:.5in;mso-footer-margin:.5in;mso-paper-source:0;}div.Section1{page:Section1;}-->Ludwig Mies van der Rohe, the German-American architect who brought us such icon masterpieces as the Farnsworth House and the Barcelona Chair, has often been attributed with the statement “God is in the Details.” And while I make it a point to politely exclude myself from any theological discussion, these words are powerful in their ambiguity. In terms of style, they represent not only a guideline for the thought process but also a justification for one’s actions (or lack thereof).
At this time I would like to mention that I have an incredible sinus headache and I can, without hesitation, declare that I am officially “Robotripping.”
Unfortunately for me, it's the details that are dangerous. I think this is where I left off. I just bought a house. Historic neighborhood-check. High ceilings/character/property tax-check. Move-in ready? Uh, NO! It took essentially three months to get things to a point where I would even have people stop by to see my progress. I have a friend across town who has done even more extensive renovations, but he has a better half and the good sense to know that you should never live in a house while you're working on it. My ex wife knows this too. Men, if you're with a woman and you want to keep her, rent a house or stay with family until the dust settles.
Perhaps it was the charm of the neighborhood. Maybe it was the allure of plaster walls and quality millwork. Or, more accurately, could it have been the 30 plus years of tobacco smoke that veiled what lies beneath the carpet? Yep, that was it. I bought a house from the Marlboro Man. It's remarkable how the overwhelming smell of stale nicotine can obfuscate other potential “issues.” No problem, a good painter and some oil-based Kilz primer, and we'll be serving hors d'oeuvres and having sexy parties in no time. Let's just get these carpets out of here and…
OH…MY…GOD!
To all the dog owners out there, if you can't take the time to walk your dog, then get a goldfish. Do you know what three decades of not taking your dog out for “business time” can do to a wood floor? You know what I am talking about. That certain consonant that falls between “O” and “Q.” The mere thought of it horrifies me. Emotionally speaking, this is the perfect storm. Catholic school, a germaphobic grandmother and a former cat that had a bladder infection, it's all just too much. These things, while mostly great, have definitely made an impact on me.
If I didn't know better I'd swear that a bird just flew into my window. There is a horsefly the size of a hummingbird above my head. I was going to shoo him out but he just buzzed my ear. I have to deal with this.
Whew! Ok, back to pets. Look, everybody has the occasional accident, but I refuse to blame Fido's incontinence for what was surely an owner's lack of responsibility for their animal. The whole house looked like R. Kelly's living room! For the month of Christmas and most of January, the only pieces of furniture in the house were myself, a laptop and a bottle of Sailor Jerry.
Yet every cloud has a silver lining. After over a month of sleeping on an inflatable mattress (in a tile room, thank you), all of the horror has been removed, refinished and restored to it's former glory. Now all I have to do is unpack about 200 boxes and, provided my head doesn't explode, I may actually have a female guest one day. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Dimetapp.
