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Some of you may not be aware of this little tidbit, but MTV actually stands for "Music Television".
Rather than glamorizing knocked up 12 year olds and reinforcing negative Italian American Stereotypes, they used to bring us information on how to dress, act and feel. Ironically, it's shocking and precipitous decline started just about the time that the grunge era came along. This was a special place in history, kids. It was a period where we were taught that it was "cool" to feel and dress like crap. Pearl Jams, Alice and Chains, Soundgartens, Nirvanas, oh my!!! Yet after the dust had settled, MTV had outlived its usefulness and the rest was history.
And therein lies the rub with our catchy little Cyndi Lauper song; are your "True Colors" really something to be proud of? Do you actually want to let people know the true genius/lunatic/weirdo that lies behind the instagram facade?
Example: the other day I get a message from an online dating site. Folks, I have started to dread about 80 percent of these messages-I now call them “dread-ages”. The owner of this particular profile pic is a girl being pushed in a shopping cart...drinking wine from a bottle. The message-"I think you're very handsome". This is not the actual photo (I'm not getting sued) but it's quite similar to what I saw.
I would like to mention at this time that there are a surprising number of photograps available featuring drunk girls in shopping carts. Furthermore, I would be lying if I told you that I have never been drunk in a shopping cart myself but this was in a time waaayyy before camera phones or personal accountability.
I feel this little scenario inevitably begs the question, what impression do you want to portray to the world?
WIth this in mind, I submit to you a basic primer on internet perceptions of value.
Here is the most innocent picture I can find of myself (not very innocent). If I knew how to use a computer, I would have photoshopped a halo above my head and an earthy glow to the pic but you get the idea
Now compare that pitiful example of innocence to this blatant example of guilt
Which one (if any) would you want to take home to momma?
My personal experience with this phenomena goes something like this. I met a really pretty girl online. Considering the absolute train wreck of online dating, this is no small feat. We have three weeks of lovely, wholesome-yet-intriguing conversation. Great, right?
Dear reader, I feel it necessary to mention at this time that I am a little OCD. It's not a bad thing. I can hang sheetrock, weld, build a new and better world, etc but it's gonna take me three times longer than most people. On a positive note, it's gonna be as close to perfect as a person without wings/magical powers can attain. Now I have never met this girl in person BUT I damn sure had invested a lot of time in spell check and monitoring my passive verb usage so I was as committed as I've been in a long time.
Then, she throws me a curve ball and asks...
"So, what's the craziest thing you've ever done?"
Little does she know it at the time, but this delicate little flower of a lady has just opened Pandora's Box. Although I am not a particularly religious person (she was), I consider it a moral imperative to be honest and open with people that I respect. This one took a lot of thought
Apparently not long enough, though. Because my response is was what the experts refer to as a
"BAD IDEA"
Have you ever mixed Dawn detergent and bleach together?
READER'S NOTE:
Do not mix Dawn and bleach together. It causes the production of chloramine gas that makes hydrazine (a.k.a. "death foam"). It will kill you
...Just like this stuff
I would LOOOVEE to disclose what this "crazy" thing was, I really would. Unfortunately, I come from a fine, upstanding southern family that would not take kindly to such an unsavory disclousre. More specifically, my grandmother would kill me and my Nana's too old to do time.
I will say just one thing; my bucket list has one less thing to do before I die.
If I can blame anyone for the failure of this potential relationship it was definitely the fault of my TCU philosophy professors. They taught about the Kantian/deontological/"truth for the sake of truth" ethic that I applied in this situation. Thanks a lot, expensive, awesome school!
After that answer, I was about as popular as a snake in a sleeping bag. She thanked me for my honest answer and traveled on through the galaxy, a thousand light years away from this Jedi knight.
Oh well, I guess I'll keep practicing for that special someone. In the meantime, I should really contact that girl in the shopping cart.
