Q: My boyfriend has this dog. After recently moving in with my boyfriend, this dog has decided to ruin my life. There is not a single article of my clothing NOT covered in dog hair, and my boyfriend insists his dog sleep in the bed with us. He's allowed on all the furniture, and when guests come over, they sometimes have to sit on the floor because it is sprawled out on the couch. He has accidents in the house, chews up my shoes, and we have to plan our evenings and weekends around being back at the apartment to walk the dog. I don't hate dogs or anything, but this one is driving a wedge between me and my boyfriend. Do I tell him it's me or the dog? I love my boyfriend, but I can't live this way much longer.
A: This one falls mostly on you. Did you not ever visit your boyfriend’s apartment before moving in? Did you not notice the hair on your clothes or the dog on the furniture before?
Ultimatums have never been successful for me. But if you want to try and come between a man and his dog, be prepared for a relationship full of resentment.
First of all, don't blame the dog! The dog is a product of bad decisions by its owner. If your boyfriend had taken the time to train his pet, some of the less desirable behaviors would not be an issue.
While I do feel like the majority of your stress from this situation is brought on by yourself, I also believe that relationships demand compromise.
A common saying rings true here: “Treat your dog like a human, and he'll treat you like a dog.” I'm surprised you still have friends that will still come to the apartment if they are welcomed by the smell of dog accidents, their shoes are eaten and they have to sit on the floor during their visit.
It is not unreasonable to ask your boyfriend to keep the dog off of the bed and other furniture. Flea bites, doggy gas and dirty bedding don't really set the mood for romance anyway.
It is also perfectly reasonable to want to keep your belongings from being destroyed and the apartment absent of the smell of dog urine.
As for the burden of walking the dog…that is called “pet ownership.” It's part of the deal. You could, however, look into finding a reliable dog walker to help out during weekend getaways or late night dates.
If things continue as they are, I would suggest that you learn to love your man's best friend and participate in training him to break him of the behaviors you hate or look for another place to live.
