Married folks off the chain

April 29, 2013

4:45 AM

I love dinner parties. In fact, I love to entertain and, even more so, to be entertained. So I naturally jumped at the opportunity to go a party with grown ups. One that involves things like pressed shirts, napkins and even table manners. Of course, I was the only unmarried man there and despite the fact that I'm not gay, I still made a point to dress as least as good or better as everyone else. Yet in the spirit of keeping people guessing, I did wear a pink shirt.

Most folks with a modicum of good taste, a lovely home and a few friends can throw a decent party. But when a wedding and event planner throws a party, that's when it goes from good to great. Wine and cheese? This is something I was not about to miss.

As a person who is both tormented and blessed with many neuroses, I am perpetually concerned with my outward appearance…at least in front of “normal” people. For the rest of you fortunate souls, you get the non pasteurized version-Lucky YOU!

With this in mind, I try to stay on my best behavior, especially around young couples with little children. But after I pulled in the driveway, I realized that everything would be all right, people were going to have a great time, and there was no need to worry because mommy and daddy were out on their own.

I can only imagine that raising a child is very difficult. Commitments, parent/teacher conferences, I'm guessing various poop-related issues, whatever. How do they do it?

Answer: Babysitters. A good, trustworthy babysitter is the key to unlocking the person you remember from college. Granted, we're all a little older, more mature and even a bit more polished than we once were but a sitter is truly a saving grace. Now I'm not trying to imply that married people are wild and uninhibited when they are not being parents, but everyone needs a chance to decompress. I mean, I exist in a constant state of perpetual irritation and I don't even have to care for a living thing, much less one that I claim as a dependent. Married couples are not unlike those guys on that oil rig show, they work hard and they play hard. Good for them!

Also, having seen the babysitter, all is can say is…WOW! Where in the Hell were they when I was a kid? Mine always looked like Nurse Ratched.

It's great to see old friends, it's great to see them happy and it's really great to know that at the end of the night, I wasn't the drunkest person there. That's the great thing about a classy party. If someone gets a little inebriated, then they're just giddy. When a married parent at said party is kind of wild, people say, “They need to let loose once in a while”. Whereas if I am ever over served ANYWHERE (something that would NEVER happen), they'd say" Now that is just a shame." There's no justice I tell you!

Yet, at the end of the night it occurred to me that these folks deserve to get as wild as they want, especially while the little ones are under the watchful eye of a diligent and potentially smoking hot babysitter. That freedom is earned from the great responsibility of being a parent. To me, it seems like a fitting balancing act, which, I guess, is one of the rewards of being an adult.

I realize where many people might think I am going with this. It kind of sounds like one of those “poor me” speeches that single people make when they think that the ship of life has sailed past their harbor.

NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH!! Simply by being the more sober, lone-single guy in the pink shirt, that responsibility has earned me a little freedom. No kids to worry over, what shall I do with my Sunday? Well, you gotta balance things out. Maybe I'll get some Two Buck Chuck, lay in bed and laugh myself stupid to TV. What the Hell, I've earned it!

---FOO BAR