Do you ever wonder if maybe some of us should unite and have a meaningful talk with some of the elderly citizens of Tarrant County? Aren't these some of the same people that gave us “talks” when we needed them? I think its past time we have a chat about topics like driving (the gas pedal is the one on the right), change (99 pennies is an awful lot of counting at the checkout counter), vision (it's not foggy in August at 3 p.m. It's your eyesight), and in a few cases clothing (really short shorts…BAD!).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that every senior citizen should stay home and hide from society. All I'm saying is sometimes they aren't aware that they can be slightly dangerous. I don't need anyone to inform me that elderly people have a lot of wisdom to share. I agree with that. I'm merely trying to get them to stop endangering themselves and the rest of us.
Driving
It's fairly dangerous and incredibly annoying to come upon Howard going 21 mph on the freeway, in the fast lane, during rush hour. Seriously, Howard, if you look in your rearview mirror and it looks like a funeral procession … you're going too SLOW. I know it's extraordinarily important to leave the house at 7:30 to insure you arrive at your 10:30 prostate exam on time. Maybe if you go ahead and crank that Lincoln Town Car up to 20 mph you'd shave a few hours off travel time. And while I'm here, could you possibly stay out of the fast lane? Pretty please! The fast lane is what the rest of us use to get around YOU. I know that during the depression the speed limit was 16 mph, but they've made some really extreme advances in car engines since then.
Change
I know it's a perfectly legal form of currency, and I know that it comes in handy sometimes. Is it at all possible to maybe put your change in the little paper rolls? That would make it easier to find and easy to know how much change you have. I realize it's time consuming to put all that change in all those rolls. I'm just thinking out loud, but could you possibly sort your change during the Golden Girls or Wheel of Fortune? It would be far less time consumption for you and everyone else at the checkout counter.
Vision
If you are telling your out-of-town friends and family that it sure has been foggy in Fort Worth all day every day for the past six months….your vision is really bad. If you've been feeding the sweetest cat that comes in through the pet door and it's really a RACOON…your vision is really bad. Please get your eyes checked before you get rabies from your new pet raccoon.
Clothing
I have to admit, most 80-year-olds don't dress like they're 18, but there are a few out there who just won't give up. Men, no more Speedos! You don't look “groovy” or “hip.” You look like someone shoved two large flat biscuits down the back of your swimwear. It makes us all want to drop gasoline in our eyes. Women, if your legs look like two melting candles, it's time to give up those short shorts. If you wave goodbye to a friend and knock over your 10-year-old grandchild, then sleeveless probably isn't a good look on you. I don't care if you weigh what you weighed in high school. Trust me, the weight may be the same, but the look isn't. Things are not in the same places. Everything has shifted from where it was 60 years ago.
I feel much better now that we've had this discussion, and I know all of you are going to do better. Oh, and by the way…this hurt me more than it hurt you.
