Ah, January. The month where last year’s poor decisions come home to roost, and the champagne corks of New Year’s Eve are replaced with a crushing realization: it's time to detox. Your liver deserves a vacation after the bender that was the holiday season, and your waistline is pleading for mercy. So, welcome to the month of mocktails and resolutions you might actually keep (for a week or two).
But just because you’re skipping the booze doesn’t mean your taste buds have to suffer. No, January isn’t just about water and regret! Mocktails are here to save your social life and keep your Dry January vibes from being, well, dry. Below, you'll find a lineup of alcohol-free concoctions so flavorful and fun that you might not even notice the absence of the good stuff. (Okay, you’ll notice, but pretend, alright?)
Orange Julius Milkshake
A nostalgic blast from the past, now with extra creamy goodness. Think of it as dessert pretending to be a drink.
Pro Tip: Frozen orange juice concentrate is basically orange-flavored crack. Use sparingly... or don’t.
Ingredients:
- 6 oz. frozen orange juice concentrate (half a 12 oz. can)
- 1 cup vanilla ice cream
- 1 cup milk (any kind—you're in charge here)
- 1 cup ice
- ½ cup sugar
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- Orange wedges for garnish
Directions:
- Combine the orange juice concentrate, ice cream, milk, ice, sugar, and vanilla in a blender. Blend until smooth.
- Pour into glasses and garnish with orange wedges. Sip and pretend you’re at a 90s mall food court.
Strawberry Lemonade
Nothing like masking the bitterness of no booze with the sweetness of strawberries and lemons. It’s sunshine in a glass — because you’re clearly not getting it from the January weather.
Pro Tip: Skip the bottled lemon juice unless you like your drinks with a side of preservatives and disappointment.
Ingredients:
- 1 lb. strawberries, hulled and quartered
- 1½ cups granulated sugar
- 2 cups fresh lemon juice (from ~12 lemons)
- 4–5 cups water (adjust to taste)
- Ice, for serving
- Lemon slices and extra strawberries for garnish
Directions:
- In a bowl, mix strawberries, sugar, and ¼ cup lemon juice. Let sit for 30 minutes to macerate.
- Blend the mixture until smooth and strain through a fine mesh sieve to remove seeds.
- Mix the strawberry puree, remaining lemon juice, and 4 cups water in a pitcher. Adjust with more water if it’s too sweet or tart.
- Serve over ice with lemon slices and strawberries for garnish.
Champagne Punch (Sans Champagne)
Dianne M. Benjamin
Sure, it’s got “champagne” in the name, but don’t worry — it’s as dry as your sense of humor by mid-January. Sparkling soda does all the heavy lifting here.
Pro Tip: Add extra cranberries for color. If you're lucky, they'll distract you from the lack of vodka.
Ingredients:
- 4 cups white-cranberry-strawberry juice
- ½ cup orange juice
- ¼ cup lemon juice
- 3 cups sparkling water, ginger ale, or lemon-lime soda
- Ice
- 1 blood orange, thinly sliced
- ½ cup frozen cranberries
- 1 cup halved strawberries
Directions:
- Combine juices in a large bowl or pitcher. Stir well.
- Add ice, cranberries, strawberries, and blood orange slices.
- Just before serving, pour in the sparkling water or soda for a festive fizz.
Shirley Temple
Every adult’s guilty pleasure masquerading as a kiddie classic. Grenadine, soda, and cherries — it’s simplicity, nostalgia, and a sugar high in a glass.
Pro Tip: Go heavy on the cherries. It’s not a Shirley Temple unless your glass looks like a garnish factory exploded.
Ingredients:
- 1½ oz grenadine
- 12 oz lemon-lime soda or ginger ale, chilled
- Maraschino cherries for garnish
Directions:
- Fill a glass with ice. Pour grenadine over the ice, then top with soda.
- Garnish with an irresponsible number of maraschino cherries. Hand it to a kid—or just keep it for yourself.
Blueberry-Basil Limeade
Because you’re fancy now. This drink screams “I shop at farmers' markets and have my life together.” (Narrator: They did not.)
Pro Tip: Basil is the grown-up garnish that says, “I’m sophisticated enough to not miss alcohol.” Fake it ‘til you make it.
Ingredients:
- 1 cup sugar
- 3 large sprigs fresh basil (plus extra leaves for garnish)
- 1½ cups fresh lime juice (~12 limes)
- 1 container (6 oz.) fresh blueberries
- 4 cups cold water
Directions:
- Heat sugar and 1 cup water in a saucepan, stirring until sugar dissolves. Add basil sprigs and let steep for 30 minutes. Strain into a pitcher.
- Stir in lime juice and 4 cups cold water. Chill for at least 4 hours.
- Add blueberries to the pitcher just before serving. Pour over ice and garnish with basil leaves.
There you have it — five reasons January doesn’t have to taste like self-pity and missed opportunities. So go ahead, sip on a Shirley Temple while reminding yourself that February is only a few weeks away, and wine will wait for no one. Cheers! Or, you know... clink.
